From:   MUFSON         4-AUG-1992 11:01:
To:     MONOPOLE
Subj:   shift report 7/20/92 - 7/31/92

...
 
Ordinarily these shift reports are predictable -- detector stuff first, 
then the interesting stuff.  But usually by the time you get to the
interesting stuff, your mind has wandered.  So, like the new
age sensitive guy that I am, I have decided to break with tradition.  The
dumb stuff comes first. 

During my shift, only one really interesting thing happened.  Well, that's 
not exactly true.  But I really can't tell you what happened with Greg and
the sheep.  Trust me.  The interesting thing that happened that I can tell
you about was the First Annual Poetry Slam at the Caltech apartment.  Near
as I can figure, this name was coined by someone who watched Wrestlemania
VIII -- Summer Slam ($45 on pay-for-view).  Why else would everyone have
come dressed as their favorite pro wrestler?  (Just imagine if you will,
Charlie Peck in wrestling tights and a hood - sort of staggers the mind,
doesn't it?)  Lots of cool things happened during this evening. For
instance, Chris (The Fabulous Moolah) Walter and Bob (Earthquake) Nolty
sang the entire (yes, the ENTIRE) 215,843 verses of 'Alice's Restaurant'.
(Do you believe there is anyone left on earth who actually knows all the
words?)  But the Main Event, the veritable Texas Chain Saw Match, was the
Poetry Contest.  During this series of no-holds-barred, no-disqualification
bouts, all entrants gave their best.  My favorite was Dan (The Destroyer)
Levin's `HiCow' read by Doug (Jesse the Body Ventura) Michael (sporting a
tasteful "I seen muons from space" tatoo).  But the applause-o-meter said
otherwise.  Here for your reading pleasure is the winner, Bob Nolty's 

		Them Shift Takers

How 'bout them Shift Takers,
Ain't they miffed?
A-flyin' off to Italy
And takin' they shift.

Takin' it serious-like
Makin' it silly
Takin' they lunch break
At the Fiordigigli.

Look at them Shift Takers
Ain't they weepy?
Jet-lagged, overworked,
Groggy and sleepy.

Them oil-pumpin' Shift Takers
Settin' them gains;
Doin' repetitious tasks
That don't require brains.

How to be a Shift Taker?
Ain't no need to fake it:
Gitchy name on Barry's shift list
Go underground and take it!