From:   NOLTY          3-JAN-1993 03:02:
To:     MONOPOLE
Subj:   U.S. shift report 28 Dec 92-3 Jan 93

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SPECIAL BONUS FEATURE:    HOW TO TALK LIKE DOUG

So you want to talk more like Doug.  Of course we all do.  But it
isn't just a matter of exaggeration and superlatives.  No, Doug is a
five-sigma performer when it comes to enhancing his exaggeration and
superlatives with style, pizzazz and punch.  To stimulate your
thinking, I have assembled the following case studies.  A situation is
presented, followed by three possible responses:
   A) what you or I might say
   B) what you or I might say if we were trying to talk like Doug
   C) what Doug actually said
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1) You are discussing a technique to increase the enjoyment of wine.  
   A) "I find it increases my enjoyment of the wine."
   B) "It absolutely makes the wine taste infinitely better."
   C) "It just makes it vastly superior."

2) In an argument, someone counters your point with an example from their
   own personal experience.  How do you rebut?
   A) "Others' experience is different."
   B) "Almost every human being I know has had different experience."
   C) "In the overwhelmingly vast majority of cases, that doesn't happen."

3) You are describing smelly food found in the refrigerator.
   A) "Smelly."
   B) "Amazingly bad smelling."
   C) "Overpoweringly foul."

4) Someone disagrees with you in a technical argument.
   A) "I think you're wrong."
   B) "I am quite certain that you are absolutely wrong."
   C) "If you think that, you just don't know how wrong you are."
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I offer the above observations, not in the spirit of a master teaching
students, but of one poor hungry beggar showing other beggars where to
find food.